Wow.

It's been a long time since I wrote in this blog.
Things have changed, a lot.

Wip

Lying under the sun, listening to music.
Longing for you touch, so near yet so far.
Wishing I could say everything I want to say.
Missing your scent, but oh how it lingers still.
Daring to feel, all that you say I deserve to feel.
Dreaming of your sweet face.
Wondering what the future holds.

I wish I could come stay with you,
I wish I could just lie in your arms forever.

I wish the end would never come.

Still tasting your lips,
Still feeling you warmth.
It feels as if the universe has opened.

My Mom gave me a CD of Celtic music.
This song is the prettiest of all.
I would like it played at the wedding, I'm sure you'd agree.

My young love said to me, "My mother won't mind
And my father won't slight you for your lack of kind",
And she stepped away from me and this she did say,
"It will not be long, love, till our wedding day."

She stepped away from me, and she went thro' the fair.
And fondly I watched her move here and move there.
And then she went homeward with one star awake,
As the swan in the evening moves over the lake.

Last night she came to me, she came softly in,
So softly she came that her feet made no din.
And she laid her hand on me, and this she did say,
"It will not be long, love, till our wedding day."

If I were an eagle and had two wings to fly
I would fly to my love's castle and it's there I would lie
In a bed of green ivy l would lay myself down
With my two fold' wings I would my love surround.

Home is a place untouchable.

I lie here, my bedroom window open.
God, if I ever had a home it was among autumn trees.
I can only imagine the perfect moments of my life before you.
And they're all among trees.
It will be the same this year, my few months of home.
I will stand out in the yard, wrapped in a jacket, coat, scarf and gloves.
I will breathe in the cool, crisp air.
How I love the autumn air.
Though my lungs reject the passion.

How could I reject such peace?
My health, the bane of my soul.
Nevertheless I stand, arms stretched wide, in the cold.
The sweet scent of falling leaves, the soft crunch.
Dance with me?
Play with me?
I'm never more alive.

I'll Watch the Sun Rise.

I was just laying in bed thinking and I began to cry.
I had to write this for you.

My Grandfather is 75.
He's not the man he used to be.
I wonder if he knows?
He's becoming senile.
He's not to man my Grandmother fell in love with anymore.

I wonder if he realizes.

You're 15 years older than me.
When I'm 60 you'll be His age.
I'll be so young.
I could live 30 years longer than you.
30 years if Christmas's, Birthdays, anniversary's, alone.

30 years of sunrises.

It makes me regret the 17 years I spent not knowing you.
I'll watch you grow old.
Ill watch your health diminish.
I'll still love you.
I hope that by then I've found peace in this.
That I'll be able to let go.

I never want to lose you.

I'll never that the time I have with you for granted.
I'll relish each moment as if it were my last.
I'll love you as much as I can.
I'll never turn down an adventure.
I'll never pass an opportunity.

In a way, I'll never really lose you.

It will hurt so bad.
Worse than anything.
I remember when I was at Chris's dads funeral.
Mrs. Brown was standing over the casket.
Looking down at her husband.
Her Highschool sweetheart.

The only man she ever loved.

"This is the last time she'll ever see him"
I remember the thought striking me, as the tears began.
I didn't know him very well, he had always been sick.
At least, as long as I had known him.
He was a wonderful man.
It was unfortunate that I only learned that after he was gone.
One of my few regrets in life.
How does she go on?

How will I?

I always imagined that your spouse would be the hardest to lose.
They're the only people in your life that you really choose to be with.
Your Parents, children, grandparents, they're given to you.
You didn't spend a part of your life trying to find them.
At least, that's what I've always thought.

I remember imagining Mrs. Browns thoughts as she looked down at him.

Thinking about the first time they met.
Their first kiss, first date.
The first time they made love.
Their wedding day.
The times they discovered she was pregnant.
All of the holidays.
All of the moments they spent together.

I'll do that some day.

I'll look back on all of the wonderful moments we spent together.
How much love and happiness we had.
All of the bad times.
The crazy times.
The wonderful times.
The times when we thought that time might stop.

Just to preserve that perfect moment.

I hope that my tears then, are tears of joy.
The joy of a life well lived.
A life of love and joy.
I'll be looking at a man whose life was made all the better,

Because I was with him.

To you.

I love you, I wish I could tell you how much.
You mean the world to me.
You make my world worth living in.
"It's no fun being awake anymore."
I said that years ago.
When I'm with you, it's not true anymore.
It's been so long.

Since I was awake.

Even as I sit here I can't get you out of my head.
You're so amazing.
It's only a few weeks until I see you again.
I can't wait.
It'll be torture to stand next to you.
And not be able to say all the things I want to.

I love you so much.

I really would do anything for you.
I can't wait to tell my family about you.
They'll freak.
My grandparents will disown me, at first.
They'll come around.
Mom will love you after she talks to you.
And she will want to talk.
After they get to know you they'll love you as much as I do.

Believe me.

You have no idea how scary this is for me.
I've spent my entire life trying not to rock the boat.
And now I find myself here.
I can see you, me, Kacey and Jonathan all laughing about it over a drink.
About how the entire family's freaking over you.
It'll be wonderful.
I'll be so happy.

Is that strange?

I don't think so, if I'm with you I'll be happy.
I can imagine the entire night, us all drinking.
It'll be fun.
We'll spend the night laughing, telling stories.
I can't wait.
I'm not even going to tell my family that any thing's going on.
I'll just call my mom one day.
"Guess what? Chris proposed. I said yes."
Priceless.

I wish I could see her face.

We'll be "just friends" to her.
Until that day.
I'm so excited.
I'm so happy.

I love you so much.

The Moment.

I'm sitting in a chair at Home, I can't get you off my mind.
Your smell lingers on my clothes.
Your touch is still felt on my skin.
Your words ring through my ears.
I miss you so much.

Words fail me as think over our time together.
I wonder if either of us expected it.
Perhaps we knew, in secret, of the future.
I wouldn't take it back for the world.
The most perfect of moments.

"To be utterly lost in a moment."
"The most beautiful feeling that ever could be."
Intoxicated.
Caught in an instant, trapped in time.
The same words came to both our lips.

I still can't believe the days events.